Almost.almost

almost lovers always do
Category: Life

it took me minutes to think of the category of this post.at first i put it under romance/relationship but i think it best comes under life. it has been a while since i last wrote here eh. just been occupied with things/uni stuffs. by the way, i had such a great summer this year. even better than last one i could say. met loads of new and such wonderful places and also people. but not everything goes in my way i guess. its always like this. the pain is back. the same one. even the same reason. it hurt really when u tried to open a page to a new chapter but somehow the words just dont come out right? its there but it doesnt flow. just under the introduction seems interesting and fun but when it comes to chapter 1, it lose its dynamic? i tried to find the problem but i never could. i failed. until one day. i was hoping the day would be a fine day, but too bad it was not mine. it turned out to be her day. infact, to be worse, their day. at first, i was just confused but i keep on thinking the positive way? for thousand times i kept on telling myself, no suemay, this wasnt the right signal. ur going too far this time. so i keep on hoping. until today, actually it felt wrong for the whole day. with the fever, running nose and bad cough (thanks to them), i found out the truth. even though it was never been mentioned clearly but hey, suemay do not be stupid. do not repeat the same mistake. all over again. not anymore. not this time. ur done believing in the false rainbow. that wasnt a rainbow suemay. its just a light of fake spectrum that came from a mirror the person was playing with. not a real one, suemay. wake up! a second ago, it really hits me. thanks to facebook. no wonder i had this strong instinct to check my facebook account. once i saw it, it came true. it really hit me on the face. teary eyes. suddenly it hurt. i didnt know why im feeling this. i am not supposed to feel this way because i have kept reminding myself about this. this heartache to be exact. this kinda heartache was actually predictabled but i cant understand why there is this side of me saying that y not? y not give it a chance? it might be a real one. there might be a real rainbow, if not now perhaps at the end of this? there isnt any this suemay. wake up again. there was never this. stop dreaming and hoping! u have never given up havent u? STOP. please someone make me stop. make me realise that this is all not real. maybe partly it is my fault. to get carried away when i have actually warned myself not to play with fire. i thought i could handle this better this time. but no. not even close. screw you suemay. ur are bluffed, again. HA HA big laugh for suemay. good job suemay. when will it really stop? tell me, suemay